[Image: Zipporah Lomax]
Wow, first of all, THANK YOU for all the lovely comments and positve feedback on my last post. It really means so much to feel all the love and support as I lean into my own vulnerabilty more and more. It’s also very motivating for me to keep diving in (to the good stuff), so here we go…
The real deal on my E-Course…
Many of you may know that I put together a five-week E-Course at the end of last year. The creation of the course dovetailed perfectly (or overwhelmingly as the truth may be) with the completion of my book. I literally put the finishing touches on the book only to be faced with what felt like another insurmountable mountain called, “Bloom True: the E-Course with Flora Bowley.”
After a decent amount of procrastination, denial and many deep breaths, I sat down and started to write…again. The biggest question on my plate was this: How does one extend a two-day live workshop into a five-week online course? Hmmmmm. After much soul searching, the answer actually became quite clear. The answer was this:
It’s not just about painting. It’s actually about living.
The next set of overwhelming thoughts went something like this, “How the hell can little ol’ me help all these people become more brave, more intuitive and more trusting in themselves when I’m still working on all this shit myself?!” “Who am I to call myself an expert on anything other than my painting process?” “I don’t have a degree in personal transformation!” And, on and on…
Clouded with fear and self doubt, but committed to the task at hand, I started to write. And, write and write and write. And, although the fears never actually disappeared, they started to become overshadowed by this:
My story. My knowing. My life experience.
All the yoga teaching, healing work, shamanic journeying, massage therapy training, Landmark education, therapy sessions, travels abroad, trips to Burning Man, deep soul searching and even my years as a serious snowboarder (not to mention the 17 years of painting) were suddenly culminating in the coolest way. All these life experiences were not random acts or selfish pursuits after all. They were actually critical ingredients in “my offering”—an offering that only I can give because only I have lived this life. Wow.
But, here’s the thing. Offering myself and my perspective to the world is freaking scary. I mean, I know my life experience is relavant and valuable and all, but it was so much easier to hold it close to my heart where nobody else could judge it, scrutinize it or call me a fake. Being a full time painter allowed me to do this—to hide behind my paintings where nobody could really see me. Now my words, actions and opinions are written in a book, displayed in an E-Course and posted all over the web-o-sphere. What I do and say actually MATTER, and this means:
I am being seen.
More and more, it is clear to me that keeping my story close and protected is just not my path in this lifetime. Whether I like it or not, I am quite sure I’m here this time around to SHARE MY STORY. Now if you recall my last post regarding my fear of speaking and singing, you might start to understand how much of a stretch the past two years have been for this shy gal. A serious stretch.
The E-Course has been the hardest of all. Creating and “starring” in videos was particularly painful. I felt so SEEN and vulnerable, and the fact that I had no script made it even more of a challenge. Improvisation in front of the camera? What!? Oh and make sure it sounds intelligent, heartfelt and authentic too. No way.
But, again, I did it. I walked straight into my biggest fear, and god, I learned a lot.
Fast forward to now…
The second incarnation of the E-Course just finished yesterday and I must admit, I’m feeling pretty damn proud of it. We made some great changes and additions after listening to the feedback from the first course, and the second round went off without a hitch. From the testimonials and comments it seems that many of my students experienced pretty profound transformations…both on and off the canvas. Hearing this literally feeds for my soul and lights up my heart. I’m pretty sure it’s the feeling of doing your life’s work. There is literally nothing quite as satisfying.
All this to say:
I am a work in progress.
I am literally going through what feels like deep personal transformations every single day…especially over the last year as I’ve pushed myself up and over various mountains and faced so many personal fears. With so much change, I can actually feel myself evolving as a human being. That is not to say, I don’t forget, retract, doubt, fall down, get pissed and take wrong turns. Not even. I do all those things often and IN DOING THEM, I grow. In doing them, I learn. And THIS, my friends, is when the evolution really happens.
Before I sign off, I want to send a sincere THANK YOU to all my students for trusting me to guide you, for opening yourself up to my offering and for accepting my voice and my story. I woudn’t be growing like this without you.
ps. Next course starts on Sept. 10th 🙂