[Image: Zipporah Lomax]
One of the most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life was to step in front of a video camera to create my Bloom True online course. It pretty much brought up all my deepest fears:
The fear of being seen. The fear of being heard. And, the fear of being judged.
[yep, triple wammie…and one that I wrote about right HERE.]
So, when the time came around to re-film the course, I had to dig deep (once again) to muster up the courage to face these fears all over again. For a week leading up to the shoot, I lost sleep worrying about how it would go, what I would wear, how it would look, what I would say and how the paintings would turn out.
SO. MANY. UNKNOWNS.
[Image: Jill Golden]
When the day came to start shooting, I was grateful to be working with two of my dear friends. Uber-talented vidographer, Zipporah Lomax, was behind the camera and clothing designer extraordinaire, Jill Golden, was our go to girl for food, styling, feedback and general support. Working with really close and competent friends definitely eased my nerves a bit, but I was still an undeniable wreck inside.
When the filming started, I found myself doing a lot of deep breathing, calling on my guides, grounding meditations and sage burning (you know, all the usual suspects). I also had a couple of positive affirmations which will likely result in a pretty hilarious “out-takes” montage.
“I’m awesome.” and “I got this.”
were the faves.
[Image: Zipporah Lomax]
Working from a rough outline and a deep knowing of my process, I allowed my words to flow naturally and from my heart (at least this was the goal) vs. trying to memorize anything ahead of time. Working in this way felt just like the way I paint…no pre-plotting, no planning, just trust and bravery. And, to be honest, it wasn’t easy. I sweated buckets, had a total breakdown in the middle of one of the shoots and struggled to get my paintings to “come together.” Perhaps you’ve been here before?
It was perfectly un-perfect.
You see, my painting process requires you to release expectations, be brave, listen to your heart and trust that you know what to do (YOU GOT THIS!). It calls you into a place of mystery — a place full of unknowns and what-ifs. In these ways, it actually requires you to stand on the edge of what is comfortable, LET GO and SHOW UP.
[Image: Zipporah Lomax]
And that, my friends, is exactly what I did. I let go of needing to be perfect. I let go of worrying about looking like a dork or sounding stupid or being judged. And, just to be clear, this does not mean those fears vanished. OH NOOOO. They were definitely still there in full force, but I CHOOSE to move forward, in spite of them. I choose to move forward because I have a message to deliver that is larger and more important than my own personal fears and crud.
(And, yep, I’m pretty sure that’s what this whole journey is all about.)
One of my favorite quotes kept circling around in my head throughout this experience:
“When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid” – Audre Lorde (1934-92)
Word Audre. SO TRUE.
[Image: Zipporah Lomax]
I’m relieved to say, nerves and sweat and all, the new videos turned out BEAUTIFULLY and the messages of patience, trust, authenticity and bravery come through loud and clear. I’m crazy excited to share all this heartfelt work with you soon…like on September 30th when the latest version of my course begins!
Here’s a little peak of the promotional video we created. Feel free to share the link (http://vimeo.com/73823819
) or click ‘share’ in the top right corner of the video and help spread the good word.
Cheers to being totally freaked out and doing it anyway.
xo flora