Yowza, Day #29, ey? I have to admit that all day I’ve been a little stressed about what I would write today. The “second to last day” of this month-long experiement seems like some kind of big deal that deserves some kind of amazingness. I even considered making a little video for you to really prove how brave I am (ha ha), but after investigating iMovie for about ten minutes, I gave up. My truth tonight is that I’m tired, my hair looks like shit, I’ve been on my computer waaaaay too long already today and I’m definitely not feeling very inspired or inspiring. Huh, I think my shoulders just dropped about two inches after I typed that. The honest truth will do that to you 🙂
I think what I will do instead of trying to impress you with some kind of awesome heartfelt video, is to simply reflect for a minute on how this 30-Day Blog Love Affair has been for me. Like many things in life, I’ve been so busy keeping up with it, along with the rest of my life, that I haven’t really (like really) stood back and asked myself how it’s been.
{pausing to actually do this}
OK. That was interesting. The first thing that came to mind was a deep feeling of deep satisfaction for making a commitment and actually sticking to it. Such a simple thing, but in a world of flakiness, I must say it feels good to follow through on something that was not exactly easy. There were plenty of days that I didn’t feel like writing, just like there are plenty of days I don’t feel like going to yoga or taking a walk, but like most things that are good for you, starting is the hardest part. After something is in motion, it’s often pretty easy to keep it going. This, in and of itself, is an awesome lesson and reminder.
Lesson #1: Starting is usually the hardest part. Following through on commitments feels awesome. Just do it.
The next thing I’m realizing is that, for the most part, writing my blog felt more and more natural every single day. It felt a little bit like getting reaquainted with an old friend. At first it was a bit awkward and forced until I found my rhythm and remembered all the things I actually like about writing. For example, I love how writing requires me to be fully present and aware of my thoughts and how it demands me to get clear on how I feel.
Lesson #2: Everything is a practice. You actually have to do the work in order for things to get easier.
Next, I must admit that I never even considered all the comments I would receive from all of you amazing people. I really kinda did this for my own healing, but waking up to your words of encouragement, your reflections and stories (especially all the dating success stories!) was so fun for me this month. I choose not to respond to comments (all part of my keeping life simple plan), but please know I read every single comment and really felt your presence along with me on this journey. So, THANK YOU!
Lesson #3: When you follow your soul’s calling, it often inspires others (even if that was not your goal).
Finally, if you’ve been reading along from the beginning, you know that this experiment was all about freeing up and healing my voice by writing from the heart and sharing my truth and my story publicly. Well, folks, I’m happy to say I have succeeded with this intention. I know this is one small step on a journey that will likely never end, but as Lesson #1 points out, starting is the often the hardest part.
The truth is that taking this step towards healing my voice was actually a pretty damn big deal for me. I know it might appear to be a cute little blog experiment, but really this issue around my voice runs very deep and I’ve had all kinds of resistance to dealing with it. I’m pretty sure the fear around speaking up and speaking out goes way back, most likely to lifetimes prior to this one where I was not allowed to speak or punished for speaking my truth. (Hope I’m not loosing you here). Regardless of where and when it all started, I have been aware for a very long time that I need to heal this part of my being.
For so many years, I expressed myself only through the visual arts and through various movement modalities. Why? Because painting and dancing are easy for me! Speaking in front of people or writing about things that feel personal and vulnerable = not so easy. In fact, pretty freaking difficult. But, as life would have it, I now find myself in a position where using my voice is essential to my life’s work and people actually seem to listen when I speak—thanks Universe for giving me the perfect opportunity to work on exactly what I need to work on! I still get incredibly nervous every time I’m about to teach a workshop and hitting the “publish” button on my more revealing blog posts has also proven to be a bit painful. I’m afraid of being judged, sounding stupid, making typos, causing controversy, offending someone, looking bad, sounding bad and the list goes on and on…ALL FEAR BASED ways of thinking and all things I’m ready to let go of.
Lesson #4: Moving directly through fear is the only way to get to the other side, and the other side is where LOVE lives.
Wow, I didn’t see any of what I just wrote coming through the pipeline, but there you have it—my “Top Four Lessons Learned Through my Month of Blogging.” At least these are the lessons I’m experiencing in this particular moment. I have a feeling they might keep coming 🙂
And, don’t you worry, tomorrow I *will* go out with a bang. Stay tuned.
